[April Fools!] Acorn Assault Now Available on Your Phone!

We have heard the cries of our fans. “When will I be able to play Acorn Assault on my phone?” Well today is your lucky day! We have spent countless hours porting the game to mobile so you can have the best squirrel revolution battle experience wherever you are. We are proud to announce Acorn Assault for the Nokia NGage!

Who needs big screen gaming? With a compact 2.1 inch display with an astonishing 208p resolution screen, we feel like this offers the best gaming experience around. You want touch screen capabilities? We will do you one better with touch buttons! Just push in the buttons and things just happen!

Now some people may be wondering how we were able to reduce the games size to fit in the system’s 3.4 MB storage. The answer is quite simply, we didn’t! In order to get the game on your device, you will need to solder in a 3.5″ hard disk drive into the system’s motherboard. Some may decry our decision to force people into soldering a hard drive to their precious NGage, but we say it’s a great improvement to such a top-end device! Why, with that much space you can store your 4k videos and play them back beautifully rendered on this 176×208 cellphone screen.

While you are under the hood soldering wires, you should also take the time to solder in a car battery. The NGage won’t last long on it’s stock battery running such a top-notch game. Throw a couple of wheels on the bottom of that bad boy and you have a mobile powerhouse of a gaming machine! Sure, it may weigh 100 pounds, but think of the muscle you will build lugging it around! And yes, it’ll likely smell badly of burned electronics, but that’s the price we must pay for mobile. And yeah, you may … okay, nevermind. This is a terrible idea. Don’t do any of the things I suggested. We are cancelling Acorn Assault for the NGage. You probably should just get it for your OUYA instead.